Remembering

I have a running dialog in my head most of the time.  Sometimes it’s just music.  That’s cool.  I don’t have to turn on a radio to hear my favorite songs most of the time.  Every now and then I’ll get a song stuck in my head for a few days.  If I know the words and tune I can sing it and get rid of it that way, but some are not so easily dismissed.  Then I have to break out one of the catchy tunes that *don’t* get stuck.  “Soak up the Sun”  is a good song for displacing a particularly stubborn earworm.  

When my subconscious isn’t entertaining me with rua-radio, I think about things.  I usually think of things in conversation format.  A thought will pop into my head and I’ll imagine exploring the concept in a conversation with someone I know or sometimes with someone who is famous.  I like talking to people.  I don’t get many chances to talk about things that matter to me very often, most folks don’t seem to want to have deep thoughts and shy away from the subjects I find interesting.  Sadly, I’m getting to the point where I talk out loud less and less, and just allow the internal dialog to dominate.  

I wish I could remember these conversations in my head.  Some of them seems to be quite inspired, but without recording them and revisiting them at a later point, I have no way of really knowing if the thoughts are worth sharing with others.  I’m hoping that if I continue to blog, I’ll start having the conversations while in front of the computer.  As it stands now, the computer tends to shut off my brain.  

It’s as if I’ve been conditioned to expect to have mindless entertainment thrust upon me when looking at the screen.  It seems to be hard to break out of this, especially since there’s so much online that reinforces the ‘sitting slack-jawed and glassy-eyed in front of the boob-tube’ attitude.  

I had my mind expanded, when I was 14 someone slipped me a tab of acid.  I saw wonderful things, including the blood and blood cells pulsing through my veins.  I of course chalked it up to the trip, but several years later I saw it on a video somewhere.  I don’t remember offhand what the video was about, but they showed blood coursing through veins, and it looked exactly like what I was while I was tripping.  So, because of the remnants of the acid trip, I don’t exactly trust everything I see or hear.  Yet somehow, much of it rings true.  That’s the conundrum.  Need to look at this stuff after it’s over to see if there’s value there or if I’m just another crazy chick.

I want to blog about the macrocosm/microcosm connection.  I want to blog about how I believe that science and religion support each other if people would just open their eyes.  I want to share with others my views on energy and matter, shaping our lives with our thoughts, my belief that food is more than just a way to give your body energy, how love- and sex- can be a religious experience.  The power of sound, of words, of intentions…   I have so many thoughts and experiences to share.  Having it written down here might even trigger the memories so I can blog on these subjects at a later date.  Even if nobody ever reads these words, it will be nice to have it written down. 

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